


within my reach

by YoongiAh



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Pining, the rest of seventeen will appear
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-15 02:40:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29677137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YoongiAh/pseuds/YoongiAh
Summary: In which Seungcheol and Jeonghan are idiots in love who don't know that what to do with their feelings.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 1
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from The Letter from Persuasion: "'I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope ..."  
> I like to think that seungcheol and jeonghan are the type who care deeply about each other, but it is exactly those who are within our reach to whom we are afraid to speak the most.

**i. attention**

At first he thought it was an accident, a fleeting happening. He was proven wrong when he felt another body pressed closely against his back.

"Can we just go home? I'm tired," the voice behind him said breathily. Why must the words be spoken so softly against his ears? Seungcheol felt ticklish at all the wrong places. The dance floor never felt so cold against his body, and he knew the heat came not only from their exhausting dance practice.

"Hoshi really wants to get this part right, you know how he gets when he's serious." Seungcheol turned slightly to look at the man who had shamelessly put his entire weight on him.

"Why are you lying on my back again? You're like a sweaty koala."

The question was meant to be asked in a lighthearted manner, but it sounded breathier than he would have liked, his slight nervousness not well masked. He wondered if Jeonghan would catch on his unease underneath and tease him.

Jeonghan merely hummed, and twisted his head slightly to fully place his head on Seungcheol's shoulder.

"Who knows? Maybe because I don't feel like lying on the floor knowing that at least thirteen pairs of shoes have stepped and jumped on it?" Seungcheol could hear the slight tilt in his answer, the one he always uses when he wants to deflect away from topics that he does not want to dwell on. But Seungcheol was not having any of his usual tricks, and being the stubborn person he was, his immediate response was to hit Jeonghan on his shoulder. Jeonghan feigned hurt with an exaggerated "ouch" and finally removed himself from Seungcheol's back and proceeded to lie down on the floor with a thump.

Now that he and Jeonghan were finally seeing each other fully, Seungcheol saw the mischievous grin on Jeonghan's tired but still pretty face, and his only thought was, _this isn't supposed to happen_.

**ii. apropos (of nothing)**

"Scoups, here you are!" A camera was shoved in front of the instant ramen that he had finally had the luxury to eat. Seungcheol's chopsticks were forced to halt in the air. He was this close to swearing right in front of the camera, but his professionalism got the better of him and he plastered a smile on his face to be captured by the camera.

The backstage makeup room was not big; having thirteen members and twenty more staffs shuffling in and out made it even more crowded. Seungcheol had barely managed to find a clean enough space to make himself a cup of instant ramen. He was confident that he was able to devour it under one minute as he had not eaten anything except for a banana before the concert, and a three-hour long concert had dragged every single ounce of energy remaining in his body. And right when he could smell the heavenly MSG of ramen (not spicy, of course) -

"Yoon Jeonghan ssi, what are you doing here?" Seungcheol glared hardly at Jeonghan while trying to smile as he was still a very professional idol and had an image to maintain. Jeonghan, on the other hand, seemed to be enjoying Seungcheol's suffering, and giggled behind the camera.

This, was something that despite having lived together for more than five years, Seungcheol still found himself to have issue with. Jeonghan's tendency to laugh at whatever suffering others were in, even though Seungcheol knew that Jeonghan never held truly malicious intentions, was really triggering him now.

Seungcheol pouted as Jeonghan continued to laugh at his predicament, and he decided to throw his pretence away for the moment. "Stop laughing and answer my question! Is this a vlive?"

Jeonghan's bangs fell on his eyes, but they did little to hide the sparkling glint in his eyes. He laughed lightly and suddenly, Seungcheol heard the "click" of shutter. The sound was so unexpected that he almost dropped the pair of chopsticks. However, the moment he realized that this was definitely not a live broadcast, Seungcheol threw all his care out of the window and jabbed the culprit who was still laughing with his whole body.

"What was that? What's so funny? I just want to eat my ramen in peace!" Jeonghan laughed even harder at Seungcheol's burst of frustration. He swiped away a drop of imaginary tear, which only further fuelled his anger. "What is this, Yoon Jeonghan?"

Seungcheol expected any answer ranging from "just a trick" to "I want to see you starve", what he did not expect, was however this:

"Can't I just want to take a photo of my favourite person after a great night?" Jeonghan said it so nonchalantly that Seungcheol almost thought he was joking. But no, he knew him too well - the sudden stare at the table instead of at the subject of conversation, the urge to twirl his hair for the slightest bit, the lower tone at the end of his question than the usual aegyo he loved to do to get whatever he wanted - it was a moment of rare insecurity and vulnerability of the Yoon Jeonghan. Also knowing him, however, Seungcheol decided to keep his little observations in his mind and laughed.

"Sit down and eat with me, you jerk."


	2. 2

**iii. better (adj.)**

It was on a rare night where they were both watching TV in the living room, free from obligations and spotlights, that Jeonghan brought it up.

"Seungcheol-ah," he called softly. Seungcheol hummed, his eyes staring at the screen.

"How are you doing now?" At that, he tore his eyes away from the blue screen and turned to Jeonghan. The question was asked so lightly and casually that Jeonghan might well be asking about "how's the weather today?" or "what are we getting for dinner?"

The topic of the question, however, was a different matter. It wasn't that they never talked about it, but it was not something that would be brought up in the middle of watching year-end show on a sofa either. At least, Seungcheol didn't think that it would be.

And what should he answer, really? It wouldn't be a lie to tell Jeonghan that he's "doing fine", but it wasn't the truth as well. The sight of any piece of wide empty floor, studio, stage - any place where his presence was supposed to be a given - filled him with dreads still. Despite knowing that his members didn't mind him taking a break, the guilt and regret of abandoning them, the fans, everyone who had been waiting to see him, everyone who had been working hard to make him to stand on the stage - the mere thoughts of all these unfulfilled duties and failed promises upset and made him angry at himself. On a certain level he did know that yes, humans could break and should take a rest, yes we would all have times when we needed a breather; but as an idol, not to mention as a _leader_ of an idol group, the responsibilities and consequences that he bore were so much more than an ordinary salaryman taking a day of leave.

Some nights he would close his eyes and see the concert hall and the vast abyss of nameless faces staring back at him and yelling his name and but all he could think was: I don't think I can do it anymore. Then he would open his eyes and will all these images to leave him alone, in vain.

At first when they were still on tour it hit him the worst, the absence of twelfth parts of his soul being felt too strongly. When they got back in late November, at least he could get a hug from the members, and not having to talk to them through blurry and pixelated screen. He knew that they had all gotten sick or hurt at some point in the tour, and the fact that he couldn't be physically and immediately there for them had been crushing on him. The boys had reminded him endlessly that it wasn't his fault at all. Sometimes Seungcheol would remember that, sometimes not. It was during times like those he sought warmth even more desperately, a physical ache to have a tangible reminder and comfort that could ground him.

Then, it was announced that Jeonghan had to take a break and not perform at the yearend shows too. It was a piece of sudden but not unexpected news, knowing that Jeonghan's condition had deteriorated along the tour. What Seungcheol didn't unexpect was to wake up the next day and go to the kitchen, only to be greeted with Jeonghan's tired but warm smile. He was lying on the sofa like a starfish. Eyelids half-opened, his face pallid from exhaust and lack of rest, but his eyes shone when he saw Seungcheol coming in, and he was easily the most beautiful person Seungcheol had ever met in his twenty-six year of life.

The days had been made slightly easier and tolerable with Jeonghan's presence. It wasn't like Jeonghan stayed at home _for_ him, and the impact of having two members less was severe on the team as a whole. Yet, Seoungcheol thought to himself, that it wasn't that bad to have Jeonghan all by himself, once in a while. He could never pinpoint when or how or why it began, it only became a fact to Choi Seungcheol that yes, he could be a bit selfish when it came to a certain Yoon Jeonghan.

So he said, "yeah, better," and Jeonghan smiled, his eyes crinkled.

**iv. bored (adj.)**

There was a sudden weight on his shoulder.

"Seungcheol-ah I'm bored," here it goes again, Seungcheol let out an exasperated sigh.

"What do you have in mind?"

Jeonghan tilted his head to look at Seungcheol from the side. "Nap together?"

"Nap together?" Seungcheol shot Jeonghan an incredulous look. He doubted if he could survive a friendly nap session with him, he needed to find a way out. "Hannie, you just woke up and it's 1pm."

"But we have nothing to do now and I'm boooooored," Jeonghan whined. That much was true: they were both prohibited from engaging in any activity that was remotely physically strenuous, not to mention that the rest of the team were away for practice and schedule. It was literally the two of them left in their dorm now.

_Oh my god, we are alone in the dorm_ , the realization set off Seungcheol's panic mode and suddenly he felt the need to leave the room as soon as possible. Only that would it not only be extremely weird, he was also positive that Jeonghan would ask him questions and his puddled brain would not be able to come up with a good enough answer that would not expose him.

Seungcheol decided to counter with another question. "Aren't you hungry?"

At that, Jeonghan visibly brightened up. "Right! Let's go on a lunch date together! I want to visit that place with the pasta, you know, that one that even Shua complimented? I've been dying to go there..."

Upon hearing the words "lunch date", all Seungcheol could think was how date-like indeed the whole arrangement was, while chanting to himself that _Jeonghan just meant it in a friendly way, all friends do this all the time, no big deal -_

**v. blind (adj.)**

Meanwhile, Yoon Jeonghan couldn't help but questioned his sanity: _was Seungcheol blind or was he not being not obvious enough?_

**vi. blunt (adj.)**

"Hannie, I have a favour to ask," Seungcheol asked suddenly.

Jeonghan was rather taken aback by the weirdly formal request. They never go around asking for _favours._ Usually it's in the form of half a bottle of lotion used, a T-shirt missing, or anything edible disappearing from the fridge. They were well past the stage of asking for favours like mere acquaintance. Which only meant that whatever this was, it must be something big and serious.

"What's it, Cheollie?"

"Well," Seungcheol began to fidget nervously. "Can you come to my room later tonight?"

_What_ , Jeonghan was thrown off for a second, but immediately reminded himself that Seungcheol would _never_. Still, it wouldn't hurt to tease him a bit, right? "That's...quite a blunt way to ask? I didn't know that you have that in you, Seungcheollie~"

It took Seungcheol five seconds to process what Jeonghan was insinuating and responded with a flustered hit of Jeonghan's arm. "Yah, Yoon Jeonghan! What're you even thinking? I swear to god - anyway, just come tonight okay? You'll know when you come in."

Seungcheol shoved him again irritatedly. Jeonghan cackled with laughter, decided to keep his curiosity when the night came.

**vii. brave (adj.)**

That night, when Jeonghan went into Seungcheol's room and saw a well-dressed Seungcheol sitting in front of a phone, he immediately _knew_ what this was all about.

He took Seungcheol's hand and gave it a hard squeeze. Seungcheol gave him a nervous but grateful smile.

He took a deep breath and pressed the "start live" button.

"Hi guys! How're you doing? I've gotten a lot healthier, so I'm going to resume activities. Rather than suddenly, I thought it'd be better if I told you myself through V Live..."

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments appreciated :)  
> Let me know what you think about these snippets!


End file.
